Am i bad. would you forgive me if you were my ex?

That is not a MILD anxiety disorder; it sounds pretty SERIOUS to me! You need to keep seeing your counselor, and tell them what you've told us. You are not automatically a bad person; you just need to keep taking your medication and heeding your counselor's advice. As to your ex, let them go. Eventually, you'll meet someone else--someone who understands your problem.